so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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