is your mom at the bar?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
