Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
