OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He felt like a one man threesome
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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