So gin and wine won't be happening again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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