I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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