I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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