Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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