New low: just hacked my moms facebook
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
