i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
