well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize