I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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