we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How naked do you want me to be?
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