you would pick up someone in the library
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
