i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
