i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
