Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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