Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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