I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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