My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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