today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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