I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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