I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
