I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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