Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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