Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
