Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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