her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will be naked everywhere
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
