WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
