This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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