Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
