If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
