How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
