I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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