I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
