we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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