I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
