is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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