So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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