Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
