I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
