The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
