i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
