FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
