I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
