if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
