your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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