glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
