I think I died a long time ago.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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