it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
