I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
