That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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