Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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