Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
