Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
