You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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