I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
