i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
