I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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