we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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