i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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