Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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