i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
