peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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