The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we should paint friendship bongs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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