Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
