I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
