Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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