yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot