omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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