I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
