I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.