I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
