We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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