She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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