i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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