ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
