I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
