Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
