New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
