rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
